Do I Really Say That?

The Imitation Game has many strengths. It keeps everyone seated for longer at the table during mealtimes, it is pretty much guaranteed to get you all laughing, it challenges the whole family and makes you use your creativity. But above all, it makes you realise just how ridiculous you can sound sometimes, and gives you an important nudge to change your ways.

Everyone has a number of pieces of paper, say ten or fifteen each, and a different colour pen. Take a few minutes to scribble down the name of someone you all know - a member of the family, a relative, a neighbour, teacher, celebrity, pet, friend, etc. - one name per piece of paper. Fold all the papers up and chuck them into a bowl, then place them in the centre of the table.

The first player starts by picking a name out of the bowl. They announce the colour of the pen its been written in, so that the author knows to keep quiet for this particular round. Player one then gives their finest impression of the person whose name is on the paper. Whoever correctly guesses first wins the piece of paper and the bowl is passed to the next player for another impression. Keep going until the bowl is empty, then count up all the papers and declare a winner.

So, impressions may include the following:-

1) "That was, quite honestly, one of the worst auditions we have ever seen. Seriously. A nightmare. And your eyes are freaky".... Simon Cowell, naturally.

2) "Philip and I are deeply honoured to be so rich and so horsey".... The Queen.

3) "Right! That is IT!! I am the only person who ever bothers to clean anything in this house!!".... Apparently this is me.

How much do I want to be remembered for this kind of thing? Not at all. Not one itsy-bitsy-bit. It's not even a true statement. The kids do tidy their rooms (every once in a while). It's obviously time for me to chill out about the mess. Or maybe just get a cleaner?

Coughs and Colds

With swine flu on the rise again and plenty of meaty coughs and permacolds about, lots of kids are off school at the moment. Us parents are obviously heeding the current advice (quite rightly) to keep our snotty, sore-throated angels at home rather than our usual practice of packing them and their germs off to school. So for anyone whose children are ill enough to wangle the day off but well enough to seemingly bounce around indoors getting bored, here are some ideas that might help.

Robot building keeps them busy for a while. Rummage in the recycling bin for newspapers, carboard boxes and egg cartons. You will also need copious supplies of sellotape. Get your invalid to design and manufacture their own robot costume. Start with a box for the head, cutting out holes for the eyes and a big slit for the mouth. Egg-carton buttons or twisted paper antennae are good add-ons. For the body, tape large sheets of paper directly on to their pyjamas. Cereal boxes make perfect robotic feet, otherwise bandage up ankles with paper strips. Finally, bind arms and legs tightly in newspaper so the robot has no choice but to move with stiff limbs. Make the most of their costume by putting on some electronic music and encouraging them to stagger around the dancefloor. If it's medicine time, try spooning it through the slit - a good distraction if it tastes revolting.

Before you tidy up, why not hold a Tallest Tower Competition. Work together to build different structures using only newspaper and tape. Try piling scrunched up-balls on top of each other, or making a giant, floppy cylinder that can be balanced on one end. A personal favourite is a tripod made out of firmly rolled tubes with another tube stuck on to the top for extra height. Determine the winning design, then throw everything back into the recycling.

And encourage an afternoon nap by snuggling them back into bed with a hot water bottle and a book. There's nothing like a few pages of a good read and a warm duvet to make your eyes droopy.

Pen And Paper

I think my Desert Island Discs luxury item might have to be pen and paper, particularly if I'm lucky enough to take my kids with me to keep me company. With pen and paper, there are just so many great games to be enjoyed together as a family.

Top of the list has to be Word Consequences. Each of you has a piece of paper and writes down the name of a girl or female (preferably someone you all know) then folds the top of the paper down to cover it up. Everyone then passes their paper to the person on their right and writes down "met" followed by a boy's or man's name. Fold down and pass on again and then write "at" followed by a possible location for a date, e.g. "behind the bike shed" or "outside the loos at Paddington station". Keep folding and passing as you make up something that "She said" and "He said", then add a final consequence, as obvious or random as you like, such as "They both lived happily ever after" or "They squashed bananas all night long and turned into bright blue aliens". Fold and pass for the final time then open up your papers and read aloud.

Another all-time fave is Start With A Squiggle, a really good one to remember if you've got a handful of kids of different ages to amuse or if you've got a child asking you "What shall I draw?". Everyone scribbles down a quick squiggle in the middle of the page - by a squiggle I mean a simple line or two, a shape, a doodle, anything that's not too complicated. Pass your squiggle on to the player on your right. Look at the squiggle in front of you, turn the page any which way you like, and turn it into the start of a new drawing. So for instance, some curvy lines that look like a top of a cloud could also be a sheep, a dinosaur with bumpy back or a frog's head with bulgy eyes. If you turn it on its side, it could be a monster's hand coming round the door. If you turn it upside down you have the start of a comedy car with lots of wheels. Younger children are particularly good at doing the initial squiggles and will enjoy watching their older friends turning them into masterpieces.

And if island life isn't as idyllic as you'd like - maybe those pesky parakeets are keeping you awake all night or those blimming mosquitos are getting more food than you - you can let off some steam by writing a diary or drawing a calming picture of the sunset. Perfect! Come to think of it, scrumpling up some paper to make earplugs or rolling up a page to make a fly swat may be a better idea.